He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
