God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
