I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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