OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
