I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
