I think I won the penis lottery.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
