I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
