what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
