hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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