I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize