Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
