I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
