I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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