I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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