Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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