I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Are we still banned from the library?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
