i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
