I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
