yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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