new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
