Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
