This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
