Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
