are you still at the devil's house?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
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I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize