it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
