see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
