O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
