So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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