We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
