I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
