How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
