He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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