I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
