the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
