I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
