We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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