Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
