I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
