The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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