Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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