Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
