At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
