Your mouth is God's brothel.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
