I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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