I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
