last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
