She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
