so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
