i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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