Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
