Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
