Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
