I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He felt like a one man threesome
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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