Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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