Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
