I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize