A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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