so let's talk penis.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
