He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
