I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
