dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize