hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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