My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
