i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
