woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
