It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
