i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
