I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
