Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
