i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
