I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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