I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
